House Natasha

I had a difficult time falling asleep last night. Despite the fact that I was feeling a bit ill, and had taken some Nyquil, the thoughts of my Lady and things to come kept me awake. In all honesty, there is some nervousness. I want to measure up, and prove myself worthy. Those feelings alone give me a strength to face the trials to come. However, there is something else that tries to rob me of that strength… doubt. What if I don’t measure up? What if I’m not worthy? What if I am unable to serve my Lady the way She deserves?

When I woke up this morning, I didn’t want to go to work. I struggled to find a reason, a justification not to go. It’s interesting to me that as ill as I felt yesterday, there was no real justification to be found there either. The coughing fits that had plagued me were gone, as was the terribly sore throat, and all the congestion. The only symptom that seemed to remain was a lack of energy, and considering that the project I’m currently working on is on a tight timeline, a lack of energy wasn’t a good enough reason to jeopardize it’s successful completion.

The day passed rather smoothly. Before I knew it there was less than two hours left of the day. I’d spent the majority of my time working on finding a solution to some of the rather glaring shortcomings of one of the tools we’re using, and while it isn’t what I would call a perfect solution, it was good enough so that we could continue to move forward. I made sure early on that my email was open, as well as Talk, on the off chance that my Lady would wish to contact me.

My Lady has given me an opportunity to learn about PHP, and on the way home I stopped by the bookstore and purchased “Learning PHP & MySQL.” I have yet to read much though. The first portion of the book seems to be regarding the history of web pages, protocols, languages, etc. At one point I thought I might just skip those portions, but it doesn’t take much effort really to read, and I wouldn’t want to miss anything that might be important later on.

I managed to venture into SL for a bit tonight. I didn’t stay long, but I had noticed that J and Ami were on, and wanted to run in and say hi :). While in world I noticed something that made me beam… Her name on the collar I wear. Seeing it filled me with a great happiness at being cared for, and trusted enough to bear it.